Saturday, June 26, 2010

Dirty Scraps Reveal - I wish I had known....

It's Challenge time at Dirty Scraps once again. This challenge is asking you to dig deep and be reflective. Here are the details:

I wish I had known......
This is a reflective challenge. Everyone has had those moments, those "I wish I had known then" moments. Maybe it was too late to say goodbye, maybe you wish you had known you were beautiful and sexy, maybe you wish you had known how hard it would have been or how EASY it would have been if you had tried it earlier? I wish I had known it was going to be ok, I wish I had known I was going to lose you, I wish I had known how valuable I really was.
So much life to scrap, so little time. So put on your thinking cap, pull out those memories, dig deep, scrap it real. Can't wait to see what you do!

This challenge is being sponsored by
Nikki Sivils. She has donated one amazing prize pack for the winner!

My LO:

I wish I had known how hard it would be to tell you goodbye. You were my father’s father, My Grandpa Page. A man that was happiest sitting in his recliner watching a football game or in your workshop building. Working with wood. You had a magical hand grandpa, you could build anything and I always looked up to you for that. But in your house I always felt like an outcast. After all, we were our father’s children. Children that came from a home you did not approve of. From a man that has caused the family a great amount of disappointment. I know you had big dreams for your children. You worked hard to make a life for them, and he let you down, and in retrospect I always felt like I was a disappointment to you as well. In your house we were strangers. As a child I always wondered what was wrong with me. Mom and Dad always made us give you hugs when we left your house, it was never comfortable. It should have been hugs filled with love; instead it was a race to see who could let go fast enough. I have a childhood filled with memories of awkwardness, forced affection, and I just want you to know that I do love you. I always did, but I did hold a lot of resentment towards you and my grandmother. When we found out that you had cancer and were becoming sicker by the day I loaded up my family and drove 9 hours to be there. I was only able to stay a couple days, but those few days changed my heart towards you in ways that I can’t even explain. I came to your house and saw you laying in bed and my heart hurt. This distant man who has been such a huge part of my life is leaving us. You asked to see Kyrsten. You had never met her. She was only a few months old at the time. You looked at my girls and told me how proud of me you were, that I was a strong person and that you loved me. In all honesty I had never felt so loved in my life. It’s a silly thing to think that those few words could make such a difference, but they did coming from a man that I had longed for acceptance from for so long. Less than a month later you passed away. I made the trip back down to attend your funeral. I was lost. I was upset. I was sad. I was an emotional rollercoaster that kept turning circles with no destination, and all of a sudden I crashed into a river of tears. Tears for the past 23 years of my life that I knew you, but never really knew who you were. You were a good man, a strong, silent, observant man. I know this now. I know you loved me in your own way. I know you only wanted what was best for me, and I love you for that. Every time I get the chance to visit you I do. I sit at your grave and talk with you to let you know how I am, but you know that. Now that I have gotten older I understand you. I just wish I could have known then what I know now. I wish I had known that telling you goodbye would be one of the hardest things I have had to do because I do love you grandpa. I do.



  1. Wowwwwwwwwwwwwwww Amy!!! That is the most touching, beautiful wonderful that you were able to love this man in the end... that shows what an amazing person you are....this is simply gorgeous my wow wow wowwwwwwwwww.... :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

  2. Hi Amy!! Such heartfelt journaling! Families are always so complicated. You are wise beyond your years. :) I love the design of your LO. The distressing and layering is wonderful and really great colour choices too.

  3. gorgeous layout... and amazing journaling!!

  4. such moving journalling and a beautiful page :D

  5. the journalling was great.soo sweet.The lo was fabulous!!!love the frame, embellies.all of it.look perfect for the it

  6. Amy... this is just incredible... i saw your layout on the dirty scraps blog and had to come her to tell you how much i LOVE IT!!! amazing!